The Pagan’s Guide To Lughnasadh with CPTSD

During my first year as a Pagan I hit each stop on the Wheel hard, with the zeal of a new convert. This year, not so much.

I did do Bealtine huge this year – went all the way to Ireland for the traditional fire on the Hill of Uisneach (which I still need to write about).

I said some words over the Sun as it sank in the sky on its longest day.

But now Lughnasadh has popped up on me and lo, I have nothing planned. Plus it’s pouring rain so there goes having a bonfire.

Tomato plants that bloom yet produce no fruit. 🙁

Also, the weather around here has been all kinda cray-cray so there is not one single first fruit to gather from my garden. Not one.

Sigh. What would Lugh do?

My favorite story of Lugh has him showing up late for a war council meeting among the Gods at Tara. Because I would so do something like that. Not on purpose of course.

He is stopped at the door and asked what skill he possesses that would be useful to the war planning inside. But everything he lists, he’s told “we’ve already got someone who does that. What else ya got?”

Finally Lugh retorts, “Well have you got anyone who can do ALL those things?”

The gatekeeper has to admit that they do not, and Lugh gets in.

Creative, this guy. Bit of a quick thinker.

In years past, my Lunasadh rituals have revolved around His many-talented aspect. I’d pick a few things I’m good at and inside my circle by the fire meditate on how they shape me and how I use them to benefit others.

This Year Is Just Different

But now a string of traumas that hit in 2016 has opened the floodgates on a lifetime of abuses, and CPTSD and I are learning how to share my brain.

This year for Lughnasadh I am going to light a candle and focus on a different story about Lugh. (Yes, I just decided this as I was writing.)

As the Tuatha De Dannan head to war against the Fomorians (who have been oppressing them) one of the chief obstacles was Balor. A giant, Balor had an eye in the center of his forehead that functioned like a neolithic flame thrower. He also happened to be Lugh’s maternal grandfather.

So already we have family conflict, and a dangerous older relative. Sounds familiar.

Long story short, war is raging, blood everywhere, and Balor is preparing to open his fire-eye and kill everyone. (He keeps it closed to avoid “friendly fire” incidents, and has 2 normal sized people living on his shoulders to open the lid and aim for him)

Lugh sees what’s happening and gets an XXL sized slingshot, hitting Balor right in his big eye. Hits it so hard, in fact, that he knocks it right out the back of Balor’s head where it rolls around uncovered, setting fire to the enemy ranks and causing all kinds of death, destruction and Mayhem.

Nice shot, Lugh! Tuatha De for the win!

It’s amazing what happens when you have support, and stand up to the dangerous older relative, huh? Take out the bully and you take out a lot of his supporters at the same time.

Tonight, I’m going to sit in my circle with my candle and reflect on this. On how Lugh overcame demons from his family’s past. Balor had tried to kill Lugh as an infant because of a prophecy that Balor would die at his hand. My parents hate me because I didn’t fix their marriage when they adopted me. I was also sickly and needy, and what narcissist and his starry-eyed supporter want to deal with that?

Yet Lugh survived, and fulfilled his destiny. He destroyed what had wanted to destroy him.

If he can do that, maybe I can too. Maybe I can kick CPTSD out of my brain, or at least control it.

Those are my thoughts this Lughnasadh.

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