I Will Not Be Quiet About My Trauma 4

I’m currently in Western North Carolina for a memorial service for a dear cousin. This will be the first time I’ve seen my dad since I stopped talking to both my parents.  After a lifetime of emotional abuse, the final straw was their reaction to learning of a sexual assault I experienced as a teenager.

My dad is a bully, and without me as a target he’s turned on his sister. To the point she’s now also cut off all contact as well. We’ve both been eleven levels of anxious in the weeks leading up to today.

Well, any funeral in this family comes with drama, and of course with the tensions that can’t be avoided. Other cousins feel they have to take sides. My aunt talks to them much more than I do, and I asked where they stood.

Of course they don’t want to be in the middle. But as far as myself and my dad… Well, they’re Conservatives and I’m a flaming Liberal, so that’s not in my favor. But the biggest thing is, I shouldn’t have shared what happened between me and my parents publicly.

No, all my mom did was say I was probably lying, AND then insinuate I couldn’t complain because I became a slut later as a teen.

So I quoted her, word for word, on my personal Facebook page. More than once.

Why? For one because I was DONE taking their crap. I knew they’d tell everyone in the family some horrible story about me that made them the victim if I didn’t get in front of them.

But two, I was dealing with trauma. Both the trauma that had resurfaced from my teen years, and the newly-inflicted trauma of my parent’s reactions.

Being Quiet About Trauma Is Only Helpful For Abusers

The wave of #metoo on social media stunned the world this week. Well, it stunned the male half I reckon. No woman could have been surprised.

It’s important that we get these stories out, not just for our own healing but yes, also to shame the abusers. And if you would silence and blame a victim of any kind of abuse – whether it be sexual, racial, domestic, whatever – you are on the side of the perpetrator.

Some people want to live in a little bubble and not hear that bad things happen to people they know. That they might even be complicit in it somehow – by normalizing an abusive family member. By not acknowledging white or male or hetero privilege.

And especially by telling a victim that they should be quiet and not “rock the boat.”

Saying family trash should stay within the family.

Church problems should stay within the church.

Minorities should just be quiet and thankful for this “wonderful” country.

Well, fuck that. I’m certainly not shutting up. And if you have any trauma in your life, I hope that as you’re comfortable and safe doing so, you won’t either.

Together we can draw boundaries that abusers will be afraid to cross. And that is good for everybody.

Leave a comment

4 thoughts on “I Will Not Be Quiet About My Trauma

  • Sue

    Dear PentecostalToPagan, yay You for speaking up. i am so FED UP with churchians, and especially, chicken-sheet preachers who turn a blind eye to abuse. It’s no wonder people walk away. And, unfortunately, most churches either preach prosperity-sermonettes or overly long salvation-by-works lectures. Ugh! Meanwhile, both New and Old testament expose the wicked mindset and motives of narcs, time and time again. Yet few preachers expound upon this fact of life in this fallen world. Take care of yourself.

  • Rod

    I’m a 49 year old male that was a 5th generation UPC. I was even the associate pastor of a UPC church in California. The more I read and studied the bible the more confusing it was. I began to question everything, even the very existence of God. I am now on a pagan path also. There are many like us. From many religions and walks of life. Love your blog.

  • Sara Myles

    As a follower of Jesus (don’t agree with everything all Christians do), I want to first and foremost say I admire your strength, transparency and insight on spiritual matters. I grew up in a Charismatic environment and I saw alot of crazy things myself. Inner healing from trauma is a powerful tool to overcome. So thank you for sharing.

    I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on Speaking in Tongues and other spiritual practices in those environments. I was not raised UPC but know they take those things seriously. I would love your perspective. I believe your experiences are a part of your truth and I respect your journey. ❤ and peace

    Thank you again.

    • admin Post author

      Hi Sara! I just want to say that I appreciate your respect, and I absolutely feel the same for you. Everyone has their own path, and as long as you are happy and fulfilled and growing, it shouldn’t matter to others.

      As far as speaking in tongues, it is taken VERY seriously in the UPC. You’re not considered saved until you’ve repented, been baptized (full immersion in the name of Jesus) AND spoken in tongues – this last part is considered the evidence that you’ve received the Holy Ghost. It’s also something you’re expected to do regularly to maintain that indwelling.

      In my experience both in the church and out, speaking in tongues is a trance state similar to that achieved by meditation. I still do it when I have a strong spiritual experience.

      I have written an article about it if you didn’t see it yet: http://pentecostaltopagan.com/my-pagan-path/speaking-in-tongues-a-familiar-energy/

      Blessings on your journey, and any other questions feel free ❤